A Cake Experiment

There were some left over egg whites in the fridge from when I made a cake for work, and my mom had just asked me to do something with them while her and my dad went golfing. “Make a sponge cake or something” she says. So I start hunting for a good sponge cake recipe. And of course I can’t find any, and I lost the one I used to use all the time. It was absolutely perfect and such a shame I can not find it anymore. Anyways, I settle on a recipe I find, and the only review it has is 1 out of 5. (I didn’t even notice this until the cake was in the oven.) It calls for 12 egg whites and 8 or 9 egg yolks. I only have 4 egg whites in the fridge, and I know there are only a few more eggs in the fridge, so I only use 4 eggs, making in total 8 egg whites and 4 egg yolks. I follow the recipe and while doing so, decide I don’t want a boring old plain favoured cake. So into the egg white mixture I add some coconut. And in the egg yolk mixture I beat in some lemon juice. And before putting the batter in the pan, I put some raspberries on the bottom. I spoon in the batter, and sink a few more raspberries into that. I put it in the oven and wait. In the meantime, I decide that the lemon flavour probably won’t be strong enough. I only want a light flavour of lemon though, but I only put a small amount of lemon juice in the batter itself. So I decide to make a syrup to brush over the cake when it comes out of the oven. I throw some sugar, lemon juice, and raspberries in a pot and put it on the stove over medium heat. Let it come to a gentle simmer, and then strain out the raspberries and the seeds. Leaving only the most beautiful light pink coloured syrup I have ever seen. I not only want the lemon and subtle raspberry flavour to soak into the cake, but I also want that beautiful colour. It’s so pretty!

I sit around, playing solitaire, petting the dog, painting my nails while waiting for the cake to be done. I can smell it, and good god does it smell good. I can only hope that it tastes as good as it smells. What I do know though is that the syrup tastes really, really, amazingly good. And I am proud of myself for not using a recipe to make it! haha.

So the cake finally comes out of the oven, and of course I have to wait a little bit longer for it to cool a bit. I give it half an hour, I can’t wait any longer. And I turn the cake out of the pan. It looks good. Didn’t sink like the person who reviewed the recipe said. The raspberries on the top look pretty. I cut myself a piece (of course! who else would try it to make sure it doesn’t taste like crap before I feed it to my family.) and put some of the lemon/raspberry sauce on top. Sprinkle it with a bit of icing sugar, and dig in. The texture is good. The cake itself is lacking flavour (maybe coconut extract next time and omit the lemon? yum!) but with the raspberries and coconut inside as well as the syrup on top, overall the cake is pretty damn good.

♥Taro

Math Is Easy.

False. If there is one thing in the world that I can’t do, it’s math. Even simple stuff. Giving me a math problem is like giving a fish the command to fly. (I am not including flying fish here. And besides, the longest a flying fish has ever gone was about 30 seconds. Not long enough to be considered flying in my books). I thought I was done with math when I took data management in grade 12. I have not done any type of math for the last two years and now I am expected to remember enough to pass a test. I can only answer 5 of the 24 sample questions. Am I in trouble here? You betcha! It’s a vicious cylcle I tell you. I see the questions, try to do them, realize I am not getting the right answer, get frustrated, move on to the next question, repeat. The hours of frustration that has been brought upon me because of math is countless. I always did super well in school, except for math. High 80’s and 90’s in everything else, and then you look at my math mark. 50%. Grade 9: 50%. Grade 10: 32%. Grade 11: 52%. Grade 12: 68%. And you better believe I was ridiculously proud of that 68% in grade 12. I had the same teacher for grades 9 and 10. He was not the greatest. Didn’t really teach you much, just put an example on the board and expected you to understand and be able to apply it to other questions. If you asked for help on your exam he pretty much did the question for you. I believe he gave me a 50 in grade 9 because he thought I was trying. By grade 10 he knew I just didn’t give a shit and failed me, gave me the mark I deserved. In grade 11 I had a very nice math teacher. She tried really hard to helpme to understand what I was doing, and I thought I did. But apparently not. She did know I was trying my hardest, so she passed me with a 52. I love her for it. In grade 12 I took the easiest math course available. Data management. I liked that class because with that kind of math, you can actually apply it to real life in some situations. Anyways, I am just rambling about math now, obviously procrastinating from doing my math work. I do not plan on finishing it. My test is in 3 days. Greeeeaaaaaaaat! Now I’m going to get put in a foundations course, and then have to take a normal level math course after that. How embarassing that I don’t function with math at the normal college/university level. I asked my friend Lawrence for help with my math. He wears those red suspenders on mondays, makes me laugh. When I asked the question he responded by throwing a large pitcher of tang at my head. Not the normal stuff either, the good kind with added vitamin C. That is his way of saying “no dice.”

♥Taro

God loves you UNCONDITIONALLY

The love God has for you is greater than any kind of love you’ve ever experienced. God’s love for you is unconditional and ever lasting for God even loves your weaknesses. God created you and you have a special place in your heart that only god has the key to. God thinks fondly of you EVERYDAY, EVERY MOMENT. You do not need any other kind of love. God’s love for you is enough. God’s love is greater than your love for your child or the love your parents have for you. Experience God’s love for you through the Lord Jesus Christ. It’s all in the scripture. Read it.

Kevin

*Some restrictions may apply to homosexuals, atheists, non-Christians, people who aren’t baptized, drug addicts, teenage mothers, members of the community who practice anal sex, people who have sex in general, women in revealing outfits, women in bikini, MTV viewers, Tom Hanks, Dan Brown (Satan), anyone who’ve read or seen the Da Vinci Code and everyone who’s having fun in life.

Too Much

I have no idea how to deal with stress and frustration. No idea. And I am so full of both. From so many things I can’t even pin point what it is that is making me so flustered right now. Work, school, living arrangements, tests, deadlines, money. I really do not like it at all. One tiny bit. And most of it is stuff I can’t control, and others I can. Which is why it bothers me even more. Because then I am thinking to myself “why am I not dealing with this.” and then I get even more stressed and frustrated because I don’t know how to deal with it. And I cry. ” I read something that said that the way a person reacts to stress, and how they treat others and themselves during a stressful time is incredibly important to their well-being, their happiness, and to how others perceive them. if you turn to destructive activities when you are confronted with stress, then it is wise to examine that response and to try to transform your reaction into something more constructive. But I don’t quite know what this means. Or how it can help me. I am so lost. I just want to hide away at a nice place for 5 months. Yes, that’s right. I want to run away from my troubles instead of deal with them. Big deal.

♥ Taro

Stitches, and a Hollister Co. Logo Skin Flap

For the first time in my life today I had an “accident” that actually required medical care. I almost cut my Achilles tendon. It was horrible. It happened so fast, I was picking up a chair, then all of a sudden I felt the burning pain and the warm blood run down my foot, soaking my sock. That particular sock, a fresh new white one, now looked as if it had been red all along. My shoe was caught under the ramp and I was sort of stuck, but trying to pull it out just made the blood pump out faster. Somebody finally lifted it up so I was free. Tears in my eyes, I hobbled to the bathroom. Followed by Jeannette with the first-aid kit, cursing how the ramp should not have been there in the first place and it was only a matter of time that someone got hurt. And of course it was me. (Things like that always happen to me. I don’t think I’m clumsy though, I just happen to have a bit of bad luck.)

I sit down on the step outside the bathroom, and I get a thick gauze padding put over my laceration, wrapped up to stay in place while I wait for medical care. Jeannette drives me to the Urgent Care Centre, fills out all the papers for me, asks if I’m okay, and tells me to call when I am done. I sit down in the waiting room, my stomach twisting and turning, growling at me. It’s lunchtime, but I don’t get to eat.

Please No Food Or Drink In The Waiting Room!

I sit there, observing the others around me. There’s an old man, waiting for some medication, a lady with a baby who has a cough, and two beautiful guys from Ireland. Thick accents, hard to understand, but they are incredibly interesting to listen to. An hour goes by, and they finally call my name. I hobble through the door and into the hallway and into the examination room I am pointed towards. The nurse sits with me and asks me some questions. I can barely understand her accent, I can’t figure out what it is though. She leaves the room and the doctor comes in, about 10 minutes later. He asks me to lay on the table, face down so he can see the wound better. He cleans it, it stings. He tells me that I might be lucky and not need stitches, but then he cleans it and notices I got cut through every single skin layer, and if it had gone any further I would have cut my Achilles tendon. I’m a lucky girl. So I definitely need stitches. I cringe at the thought but realize the pain of that would probably be less than having the cut open slightly every time I take a step. During all this, it is still bleeding. The doctor tries to keep it as clean as possible, injects me with the stuff that freezes you. That was probably the most painful part of the whole experience, I can feel it, every time he injects that needle directly into the wound. Stinging, a hot/cold sensation I can’t even describe unless you were to feel it yourself. Just, weird. Painful. After that, he sews me up. I could still kind of feel the needle going in and out, but not a painful way.

The best part of all of this is that my workplace is making me pay $20 to get a doctor’s note for why I won’t be at work tomorrow, and possibly a day or two after as well. I hope I get it back. I know I do get vacation pay for being off, though…so that’s good.

It hurts.

♥Taro

しなん, Impossible

It is pretty much IMPOSSIBLE to find a good taro cupcake recipe, or a taro swirl bread recipe on the internet. Most you find are ones that have been made up by people just for experimenting, so it looks like I might have to do the same. It is more common to find matcha cupcakes, or azuki cupcakes or whatever. You can hardly find any taro recipes. So I’ve decided I’ll make something with azuki beans.

I want to make anpan. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a Japanese sweet bun filled with sweet azuki bean paste, or anko. (there is also an anime called anpanman, a superhero whose head is made out of anpan…don’t ask.) I love anko. The name literally means bean bread. “an” is the red bean filling (anko) and “pan” is bread. So I went hunting in my hundreds of cook books, and found a recipe in one of my Japanese cookbooks. Who would have guessed? haha. It looked like it would work out really well. So the dough is proofing right now! I’m really excited to see if these work out well or not.

Now I miss learning Japanese again. It’s hard to do on your own. I can read and write some stuff probably at the level of a 5 year old hahaha. But my vocabulary is minimal and I don’t remember ANY of the 250 kanji I learned. I do still want to go to Japan some day. I’ll make it happen.

And I’ll post about how the anpan turns out. Hopefully well. I just feel the need to go on a baking frenzy. So that I shall do! And if I come up with a good taro cupcake recipe, I’ll post it for sure! Because I KNOW I am not the only person looking for one.

♥Taro

料理は得意です。 : )

Taro’s Thoughts

Thought Number 0.

I have a feeling that Kevo will hate this blog layout I picked. I liked the header. He can SUCK IT! Kidding…but really…I don’t think we’ll ever agree on one that we BOTH actually like.

Thought Number 1.

I’m really happy that I can still hang out with my “ex-boyfriend”. I totally forgot how much of a good person he is. I love it when you remember how awesome someone was, and then you’re like to yourself “what the hell self! why did we not hang out with this person more often?”. I love those little reminders to myself that not everyone is a complete jerk.

Thought Number 2.

I like the sun. As long as I can choose if I want to be in it. I don’t like being burnt. Ouch! like right now. All lobster-like and whatnot…not fun! I like tanning. I love to just lay there in the sun with a cold drink and not have any worries in the world! Of course I usually fall asleep. I also love swimming. Especially in salt water pools. WAY better than chlorine. GET RID OF YOUR CHLORINE POOLS!

Thought Number 3.

I am really excited to have my own place. I can’t wait! Sure I might get lonely at times, but I sure do like to be by myself. I actually find it really exciting to budget for that kind of thing. How much I can spend on furniture, other household items, food, rent and whatnot. It’s fun and makes me feel super independent and grown up haha. I also love making lists, for things I need to get and things I already have, and then figuring out how I can get those items I need for the least amount of money. How exciting!

Thought Number 4.

I haven’t baked anything in a while. Nor have I updated my recipe blog. Oh boy, Tara, you are slacking in that department! But at work I was asked to make a Cake for our Canada Day party, and they will pay me for it!!! So I have a pretty good plan I think. I will make a white cake with those little red dots in it, make 2 layers cut in half, so 4 layers total. fill those layers with a raspberry buttercream filling, then ice the outside with just a white vanilla buttercream. And since it will be a rectangle, the cake will be the Canada flag! so I will use raspberries standing up on the cake for the red part. The sides and the maple leaf I am so excited! I will definitely take pictures and put them on here.

Thought Number 5.

It is so mother fucking hot here. (pardon my french.) Today it was 40 degrees celcius. 40!!! And I work in a factory, so holy hell it gets pretty steamy in there. Everybody was red, sweaty and cranky. And right now, as I type this at 10:00pm, it is 29 degrees in my house. And the air conditioning is on. Hopefully by tomorrow morning it’s liveable.

Thought Number 6.

Why does my keyboard like to switch itself to french-canadian every once in a while? I know my laptop is easily converted for french people, but it does it on it’s own when I’m typing, so I don’t know what I am hitting that is making it do that…

Thought Number 7.

I miss Kevo! I could DEF use a hug. OH WAIT I change my mind. It’s far too hot for hugs. I think we would get stuck together.

That’s about it for now, tootaloo!

♥Taro

Blahh

I am so bored of my life right now. I am bored of the routine I have to do every single day. I don’t like my job, I hate working jobs I do not enjoy doing. I miss being on my own. I miss doing what I liked to be doing. I am scared about the future. The uncertainty. I’ve started a new exercise and eating regime. Hoping that will maybe add a little difference in my stupid routine that is life. I hate missing somebody so much. I hate things that consume my mind so that when I do stop thinking about it, something will remind me of what I was not wanting to think about, and then I can’t stop again. I know I have a good life. It’s just a very boring life. I want something more. I need something more but I don’t know what it is. I want to do things, I want to go out and about. I have honestly not spent any time with any of my friends since being home. I went out once with a friend. They are all so busy, with complete opposite schedules of me. And it SUCKS. I am so boreeeeeeed of not being with other people. blahhhhhhhh. Is summer almost over? no. fucking three months left. Three stupid months. I want my last week of work to be august 15th, the day before my birthday, so I can dick around for two weeks before going back to school. And by dick around I mean get my apartment all set up and me settled in and what not. Speaking of apartments, I need to ask a few people some questions.

I HATE MONEY. ha. stupid money. It only causes problems. Oh yah, I must apply for my visa today.

♥ Taro

A Funny Little Thing

Over the past few weeks of being back home, my sister and I have been noticing a few new oddities around the house. We have discussed this with our brother, and he also notices these.

For some reason, all of a sudden, when we kids show up back at home the house seems to be a lot messier all of the time. Now, you may say “well yeah, that makes sense”, but actually the messiness is not the result of us being messy. No sir it is not. The messiness, in actuality, is the result of my parents leaving more of their mess around, and then blaming it on us. Case in point:

I spent the entire day two weeks ago, cleaning the house. Especially the kitchen. I scrubbed the floor tiles, cleaned the counter, all of the appliances, and even the stove/oven. I had finished cleaning the kitchen around 12pm, and it stayed clean all day. Even though I had been baking all day, in and out of the kitchen, it still stayed clean. 6:00pm comes around, and my mom comes home. 6:30pm and my dad is home. 7:00pm, the kitchen is a disaster. There are crumbs all over the counters and the floor, coffee and juice stains on the floor tiles, shit all over the counter top. Lunch bags, coffee mugs, tupperware containers, just a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t belong on the counter. The first thing my dad says:

why is the kitchen such a shit house?

….Wow. Seriously? Yes. He asked me that. And asked me why I can’t keep the house clean for more than a day.
That’s when I decided to stop cleaning the house.*

(*I totally wish I could say that. But the truth is, I can’t stand a messy kitchen. The kitchen is where I spend the most time, and if it’s not clean, it drives me nuts. And by clean I mean absolutely spotless. Not a crumb on the counter.)

So basically that’s it. No matter how much we clean up after ourselves, there somehow is a magical way that a mess shows up and is blamed on us. Even if we weren’t home all day. My brother has even said he noticed that when my sister and I were away at school, the house was often quite a bit messier than when we were home.

♥Taro

Your Love for Yourself Means Everything

Other than that, nothing else matters.

I remember the dark period in my life when I was pissed at the world, I felt no one gave a shit about me, I felt resentment towards my closest loved ones. I was surrounded with love and yet, I was too busy hating everyone, hating myself and playing the role of a victim. I needed a quick and painless way to finish it. A way that can take me out of this world so I can stop being a fuck up, occupy space and take up oxygen from more important people. I didn’t find a way and for that, I am grateful. Truth be told, although I hated myself every morning for waking up and lived through another day… there was a glimmer of self-worth that told me I would bring on more pain to people around me than I’ve ever experienced and for what? Teach them a lesson? Get some attention? Love? An Apology? I love them… with all my heart! Yet, I am planning to bring on irreversible damage? If you are on the verge of breaking… stick it out a bit more. I’ve became much stronger cause of it.

I am not saying don’t feel sad. Feel sad. Feel like shit. Hate the world. No one is rushing you. Think bad thoughts! If you feel like killing yourself, play it out in your mind and think of the aftermath. If you play it out, you’ll know that there’s nothing to be gained from removing yourself from the physical world because there are essentially only 2 scenario that can be the outcome:

1. People in your life get extremely hurt/sad/depressed (basically how you feel now and probably worse). If you felt how I felt, I would wish that feeling upon anyone. The sense of hopelessness and feeling of guilt mixed with everything bad.

2. People around you don’t give a shit. This one is simple. If people don’t care if you died, then they wouldn’t care if you live. There are some serious benefits of living by the way, like your life MIGHT improve. That hope would be striped away if you were dead.

Okay, enough is enough. You’ve felt sorry for yourself, been sad, depressed, felt worthless blah blah blah. Bored yet? Bored of playing the victim character in life? Sorry to burst your victim bubble but you chose to be in that position. Yup. No one is responsible of your thoughts, feelings, quality of life and everything else in your life.

People can say/do all they want but everything still has to pass through you. If someone says “You will never amount in life” It’s still up to YOU Whether you want to believe him or not. If someone puts you down, hold up their comment to your personal truth! Ask “Is that really true?” Find genuine evidence in your life that contradicts the attack someone made of you. Start with the simplest thing! Eventually you can build up a voice inside you that’s strong enough to support you. You NEED that voice to be on your team when it seems like the world is against you!

Also, look at who is putting you down:

1. Determine Is the person in the position to make such judgement? Is the person an authority? If you want to be a musician and your guidance counselor says that “you’ll never be successful”. Is he in a position to make such a judgment? you certainly can take his opinion into consideration but note the quality of the opinion.

2. Ask the person: WHY? Why do you say that? Most of the time the answer is not clearly backed up, which tells you… the person doesn’t know SHIT. Most of the time the answer you get would be another attack like “because you are ugly, stupid, messy, not a good student.” Then go through the process again of “Is what the person said true?” My sister once told me that I don’t stand a chance with a particular girl because I didn’t have good grades. She said that while I was going through my dark period, so of course I believed her. But later all I had to do was look around and realized that all the cute girls are NOT fucking the honour roll students.

Hold your head high. The Universe is conspiring FOR you not against you. Even if you don’t see it right now where you stand… Know that things happen FOR us in life never to us.

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman

*Kevin*