Other than that, nothing else matters.
I remember the dark period in my life when I was pissed at the world, I felt no one gave a shit about me, I felt resentment towards my closest loved ones. I was surrounded with love and yet, I was too busy hating everyone, hating myself and playing the role of a victim. I needed a quick and painless way to finish it. A way that can take me out of this world so I can stop being a fuck up, occupy space and take up oxygen from more important people. I didn’t find a way and for that, I am grateful. Truth be told, although I hated myself every morning for waking up and lived through another day… there was a glimmer of self-worth that told me I would bring on more pain to people around me than I’ve ever experienced and for what? Teach them a lesson? Get some attention? Love? An Apology? I love them… with all my heart! Yet, I am planning to bring on irreversible damage? If you are on the verge of breaking… stick it out a bit more. I’ve became much stronger cause of it.
I am not saying don’t feel sad. Feel sad. Feel like shit. Hate the world. No one is rushing you. Think bad thoughts! If you feel like killing yourself, play it out in your mind and think of the aftermath. If you play it out, you’ll know that there’s nothing to be gained from removing yourself from the physical world because there are essentially only 2 scenario that can be the outcome:
1. People in your life get extremely hurt/sad/depressed (basically how you feel now and probably worse). If you felt how I felt, I would wish that feeling upon anyone. The sense of hopelessness and feeling of guilt mixed with everything bad.
2. People around you don’t give a shit. This one is simple. If people don’t care if you died, then they wouldn’t care if you live. There are some serious benefits of living by the way, like your life MIGHT improve. That hope would be striped away if you were dead.
Okay, enough is enough. You’ve felt sorry for yourself, been sad, depressed, felt worthless blah blah blah. Bored yet? Bored of playing the victim character in life? Sorry to burst your victim bubble but you chose to be in that position. Yup. No one is responsible of your thoughts, feelings, quality of life and everything else in your life.
People can say/do all they want but everything still has to pass through you. If someone says “You will never amount in life” It’s still up to YOU Whether you want to believe him or not. If someone puts you down, hold up their comment to your personal truth! Ask “Is that really true?” Find genuine evidence in your life that contradicts the attack someone made of you. Start with the simplest thing! Eventually you can build up a voice inside you that’s strong enough to support you. You NEED that voice to be on your team when it seems like the world is against you!
Also, look at who is putting you down:
1. Determine Is the person in the position to make such judgement? Is the person an authority? If you want to be a musician and your guidance counselor says that “you’ll never be successful”. Is he in a position to make such a judgment? you certainly can take his opinion into consideration but note the quality of the opinion.
2. Ask the person: WHY? Why do you say that? Most of the time the answer is not clearly backed up, which tells you… the person doesn’t know SHIT. Most of the time the answer you get would be another attack like “because you are ugly, stupid, messy, not a good student.” Then go through the process again of “Is what the person said true?” My sister once told me that I don’t stand a chance with a particular girl because I didn’t have good grades. She said that while I was going through my dark period, so of course I believed her. But later all I had to do was look around and realized that all the cute girls are NOT fucking the honour roll students.
Hold your head high. The Universe is conspiring FOR you not against you. Even if you don’t see it right now where you stand… Know that things happen FOR us in life never to us.
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. – Richard Feynman