Category Archives: thoughts

a Lesson on Compassion

I work in a Video Game Store. We deal with nerds and stupid people. yesterday was no different. I was working with a new guy who asked me every little thing that normal people would know from common sense and watching him do everything was a frustration on it’s own. The guy was a sloth on crack, but instead of doing things faster on crack, he just got slower and slower. On top of that, my feet were tired and kind of hurts. The Job was getting boring and a drag.

So after dealing with handful of stupid people who’ve been misguided about the return policy and annoying children, in walks a retard. No really, she was mentally challenged. She came in enthusiastically greeted me. I couldn’t understand a words she was saying, it pure mumble jumble. At the time I was dealing with a customer with… you guessed it! She wanted to return a game because she was told that she can return everything and anything within 7 days. While I was helping the customer the mentally challenged girl kept talking. She talked loud and unclear. All her words are messed up, I couldn’t make a single word that came out from her mouth. When she talked, saliva squeezes out to her lips in such qualities that I think she’s going to drool. Her big coat was already stain with what I think is drool. Every time when I look at her, the amount of foamy spit in and around her mouth made me wanna puke.

The new guy was talking to her, trying to make out what she was trying to say. He walked around the store showing her things to figure out what she wanted. As she walks around the store, I was afraid that she might come around behind the counter and do some crazy shit, like try to make out with me and if I did comply she would spit her foamy spit on me face. I was annoyed, by the customer who I was helping and by the retard who I couldn’t understand. I wanted all of them out. Finally, I was done dealing with my customer so I started listening and watching the interaction between the new guy and the weird girl. At this point I was a bit touched by the fact that the new guy was so patient with the girl even though he couldn’t understand her. The guy whom I thought was so incompetent and slow had surprised me. I began to see that the girl was not retarded but she had full mental capacity, she just has difficulties communicating her thoughts. The me who wanted her to shut the fuck up and stop bothering us was silenced by the me who asked

You think she wants this? You think she’s having a good time not being understood? How would you feel if you were in that position? You trying your best but people write you off? She’s having thoughts just like everyone else, she just can’t communicate them in a way that you can. So why don’t you get off your fucking high horse of having the ability of communicate effectively and shut the fuck up.

I then started to help to figure out what she was trying to say. She had a friend with her who was better equiped in communication, but she was frustrated and mildly embarassed for all the fuss they were causing. We tried asking her to write it, but her writing wasn’t very legible. So finally her friend went and got their helper. The helper was so fuckin’ paient with her and she reminded her not get frustrated. All we could understand from the girl was that she wanted to give us more money. But for what? Finally we figured out that she wanted to ask about the warranty on the games. She didn’t buy any games, she was just asking about them because I think she wanted to save up for it. Finally she was relieved and she said to her helper “I tried, I tried.” and The helper said “I know, I know. You just wanted to feel independent. You did good!”

I was moved. She taught me so much in that short amount of time. I learned what it meant to be compassionate towards someone. To see that the person is doing their best with all the tools they’ve been given. I learned courage. To stand up and speak up to communicate your needs and desires. To be relentless and push through even when you “feel” you are causing inconvenience to someone. To be honest, people can get over inconvenience, being inconvenient is a temporary state and people can get over it in a heartbeat. I am glad that the new guy had stayed with her for so long. If it was me, I would’ve tried to get rid of her as soon as possible and not listen to her. If that was the case, she probably would’ve felt defeated. So if it means that it would cause me inconvenience for her to feel good that someone understood her, so be it. I think me being annoyed is a small price to pay for her feeling accomplished and having her mini-victory of the day. I am grateful that she came in. I didn’t want to work yesterday and planned to give my shift to someone but now I am super glad that I worked. I don’t even care if I get paid because I think what I learned was so valuable (But I do wanna get paid because I work for a corporate giant and I am gonna squeeze every little penny out of them for every second I’ve contributed to help them make millions).

Lastly, I learned that no matter what Always Try. You never know.

Kevo

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Apparently Everybody Loves Marine Land

There’s a place I know in Ontario where the sea lions kiss, so the story goes…

I have never liked Marine Land. I went there once when I was a kid and apparently I cried the whole time because I didn’t want to see the whales in aquariums, I wanted to see them in the ocean. With a new commercial every few years and running every single summer, we are reminded that everyone loves Marine Land, or everyone loves the belugas, or everyone loves a holiday. And every time I see the part in the commercial where the whale comes out of the water and “kisses” the trainer I keep hoping that one day the commercial will magically change and the whale will try to eat her. “Take that! That’s for locking me up in an aquarium one thousandth the size of my natural habitat! I bet not everyone loves Belugas now!” is exactly what the whale would be thinking. I don’t really know enough about the animals there to make an opinion on whether or not they are unhappy. Of course PETA people would say the whales and everything are horribly treated and living in small confined areas is not good for them, and the people who work at the aquariums are going to say they are treated perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong with where they live. The only people who REALLY know are probably some sort of marine biologist who specializes in those types of animals. I like whales. I like dolphins and seals and whatnot, but I think I would rather see them in their natural habitat rather than being used as entertainment for paying customers. I don’t plan on ever going back to Marine Land. Nor will I take my kids there. If they want to see whales, we will go on a whale watching trip. Even though I am scared that they will tip the boat…

♥Taro

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America’s Greatest Dog or America’s Worst Show?

So there’s this new tv show on, and it’s called America’s Greatest Dog. I don’t know how they did the casting for that show, but none of those dogs or their owners are anything spectacular. Ya, I watched the first episode, and cringed the whole way through it. But I couldn’t change the channel because I felt bad for the dogs. Most of the dogs had some sort of clothing on. Why. Why put clothing on your dog? Especially when the dog obviously isn’t enjoying it as much as you are. And the handling of these dogs is ridiculous. You can tell 9/10 dogs are not “fully” trained, a.k.a. don’t come when called or listen to their owner at all. During the final test thing or whatever it was, one lady even physically corrected her dog. On national television. Uhhh, please come join us in the 21st century here, it’s all about REWARD training not PUNISHMENT training. And she didn’t even get kicked off. It was a guy who obviously had a way better relationship with his dog than that dumb bitch. Basically all I am saying is that the show SUCKS. I feel bad for the dogs. I think there is one pair that I don’t mind. And it’s an old man and his dog. A normal relationship and the dog listens to him. Oh and don’t even get me started on the LAME host, LAME competitions, LAME ideas and all the pre-recorded things the host does. Don’t watch it.

♥ Taro

(my dog!)

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Taro’s Thoughts

Thought Number 0.

I have a feeling that Kevo will hate this blog layout I picked. I liked the header. He can SUCK IT! Kidding…but really…I don’t think we’ll ever agree on one that we BOTH actually like.

Thought Number 1.

I’m really happy that I can still hang out with my “ex-boyfriend”. I totally forgot how much of a good person he is. I love it when you remember how awesome someone was, and then you’re like to yourself “what the hell self! why did we not hang out with this person more often?”. I love those little reminders to myself that not everyone is a complete jerk.

Thought Number 2.

I like the sun. As long as I can choose if I want to be in it. I don’t like being burnt. Ouch! like right now. All lobster-like and whatnot…not fun! I like tanning. I love to just lay there in the sun with a cold drink and not have any worries in the world! Of course I usually fall asleep. I also love swimming. Especially in salt water pools. WAY better than chlorine. GET RID OF YOUR CHLORINE POOLS!

Thought Number 3.

I am really excited to have my own place. I can’t wait! Sure I might get lonely at times, but I sure do like to be by myself. I actually find it really exciting to budget for that kind of thing. How much I can spend on furniture, other household items, food, rent and whatnot. It’s fun and makes me feel super independent and grown up haha. I also love making lists, for things I need to get and things I already have, and then figuring out how I can get those items I need for the least amount of money. How exciting!

Thought Number 4.

I haven’t baked anything in a while. Nor have I updated my recipe blog. Oh boy, Tara, you are slacking in that department! But at work I was asked to make a Cake for our Canada Day party, and they will pay me for it!!! So I have a pretty good plan I think. I will make a white cake with those little red dots in it, make 2 layers cut in half, so 4 layers total. fill those layers with a raspberry buttercream filling, then ice the outside with just a white vanilla buttercream. And since it will be a rectangle, the cake will be the Canada flag! so I will use raspberries standing up on the cake for the red part. The sides and the maple leaf 🙂 I am so excited! I will definitely take pictures and put them on here.

Thought Number 5.

It is so mother fucking hot here. (pardon my french.) Today it was 40 degrees celcius. 40!!! And I work in a factory, so holy hell it gets pretty steamy in there. Everybody was red, sweaty and cranky. And right now, as I type this at 10:00pm, it is 29 degrees in my house. And the air conditioning is on. Hopefully by tomorrow morning it’s liveable.

Thought Number 6.

Why does my keyboard like to switch itself to french-canadian every once in a while? I know my laptop is easily converted for french people, but it does it on it’s own when I’m typing, so I don’t know what I am hitting that is making it do that…

Thought Number 7.

I miss Kevo! I could DEF use a hug. OH WAIT I change my mind. It’s far too hot for hugs. I think we would get stuck together.

That’s about it for now, tootaloo!

♥Taro

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Blahh

I am so bored of my life right now. I am bored of the routine I have to do every single day. I don’t like my job, I hate working jobs I do not enjoy doing. I miss being on my own. I miss doing what I liked to be doing. I am scared about the future. The uncertainty. I’ve started a new exercise and eating regime. Hoping that will maybe add a little difference in my stupid routine that is life. I hate missing somebody so much. I hate things that consume my mind so that when I do stop thinking about it, something will remind me of what I was not wanting to think about, and then I can’t stop again. I know I have a good life. It’s just a very boring life. I want something more. I need something more but I don’t know what it is. I want to do things, I want to go out and about. I have honestly not spent any time with any of my friends since being home. I went out once with a friend. They are all so busy, with complete opposite schedules of me. And it SUCKS. I am so boreeeeeeed of not being with other people. blahhhhhhhh. Is summer almost over? no. fucking three months left. Three stupid months. I want my last week of work to be august 15th, the day before my birthday, so I can dick around for two weeks before going back to school. And by dick around I mean get my apartment all set up and me settled in and what not. Speaking of apartments, I need to ask a few people some questions.

I HATE MONEY. ha. stupid money. It only causes problems. Oh yah, I must apply for my visa today.

♥ Taro

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Your Love for Yourself Means Everything

Other than that, nothing else matters.

I remember the dark period in my life when I was pissed at the world, I felt no one gave a shit about me, I felt resentment towards my closest loved ones. I was surrounded with love and yet, I was too busy hating everyone, hating myself and playing the role of a victim. I needed a quick and painless way to finish it. A way that can take me out of this world so I can stop being a fuck up, occupy space and take up oxygen from more important people. I didn’t find a way and for that, I am grateful. Truth be told, although I hated myself every morning for waking up and lived through another day… there was a glimmer of self-worth that told me I would bring on more pain to people around me than I’ve ever experienced and for what? Teach them a lesson? Get some attention? Love? An Apology? I love them… with all my heart! Yet, I am planning to bring on irreversible damage? If you are on the verge of breaking… stick it out a bit more. I’ve became much stronger cause of it.

I am not saying don’t feel sad. Feel sad. Feel like shit. Hate the world. No one is rushing you. Think bad thoughts! If you feel like killing yourself, play it out in your mind and think of the aftermath. If you play it out, you’ll know that there’s nothing to be gained from removing yourself from the physical world because there are essentially only 2 scenario that can be the outcome:

1. People in your life get extremely hurt/sad/depressed (basically how you feel now and probably worse). If you felt how I felt, I would wish that feeling upon anyone. The sense of hopelessness and feeling of guilt mixed with everything bad.

2. People around you don’t give a shit. This one is simple. If people don’t care if you died, then they wouldn’t care if you live. There are some serious benefits of living by the way, like your life MIGHT improve. That hope would be striped away if you were dead.

Okay, enough is enough. You’ve felt sorry for yourself, been sad, depressed, felt worthless blah blah blah. Bored yet? Bored of playing the victim character in life? Sorry to burst your victim bubble but you chose to be in that position. Yup. No one is responsible of your thoughts, feelings, quality of life and everything else in your life.

People can say/do all they want but everything still has to pass through you. If someone says “You will never amount in life” It’s still up to YOU Whether you want to believe him or not. If someone puts you down, hold up their comment to your personal truth! Ask “Is that really true?” Find genuine evidence in your life that contradicts the attack someone made of you. Start with the simplest thing! Eventually you can build up a voice inside you that’s strong enough to support you. You NEED that voice to be on your team when it seems like the world is against you!

Also, look at who is putting you down:

1. Determine Is the person in the position to make such judgement? Is the person an authority? If you want to be a musician and your guidance counselor says that “you’ll never be successful”. Is he in a position to make such a judgment? you certainly can take his opinion into consideration but note the quality of the opinion.

2. Ask the person: WHY? Why do you say that? Most of the time the answer is not clearly backed up, which tells you… the person doesn’t know SHIT. Most of the time the answer you get would be another attack like “because you are ugly, stupid, messy, not a good student.” Then go through the process again of “Is what the person said true?” My sister once told me that I don’t stand a chance with a particular girl because I didn’t have good grades. She said that while I was going through my dark period, so of course I believed her. But later all I had to do was look around and realized that all the cute girls are NOT fucking the honour roll students.

Hold your head high. The Universe is conspiring FOR you not against you. Even if you don’t see it right now where you stand… Know that things happen FOR us in life never to us.

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. – Richard Feynman

*Kevin*

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